How To Manage Holidays With Ageing Parents

The Christmas holidays are fast approaching, and that means gathering the family together for some Christmas cheer. Let’s be frank, however, and face the fact that for many families the Christmas get together can be a difficult and stressful period if ageing parents are becoming noticeably lonely or not coping well with living independently. So let’s ensure that our precious time with our parents is spent with a positive and proactive attitude these Christmas holidays so our visit is one of joy for all.

I recently came across an article on a seniors living blog that suggested a CHEER plan for approaching spending time over the holidays with ageing parents in a caring and loving manner. CHEER stands for:

·         Check

·         Help

·         Empower

·         Enjoy

·         Reminisce

And here’s how it works:

1.    Check their health and safety

Things we fail to notice when we see someone on a daily basis may become glaringly obvious if we haven’t visited for a while. When visiting your parent or parents in their home, discreetly check out the contents of their refrigerator and cupboards to make sure their diet is healthy and adequate.

Check over the home for safety measures that may be needed such as a smoke alarm or support railings in bathrooms and on stairs.

Observe your loved one’s general health and take note of any health issues such as difficulty chewing and swallowing and decreased mobility. Does their mental clarity seem sharp or appear to be deteriorating? Does their eyesight seem to be deteriorating?

2.       Help them stay engaged

Older people, especially those living alone, can be lonely and suffer depression if they receive little emotional support. Include elderly relatives and family friends in your celebrations this year, offering transport if needed. Ensure elderly guests are comfortable and encouraged to relax rather than feel they should assist with the preparations. Take time to speak with them individually and listen attentively to their stories and memories. Children will be fascinated by their elders’ tales of the ‘olden days’.

3.       Empower a loved one to continue living independently

Most elderly people prefer to stay at home. In-home care services can help them achieve their goal. If our older parents wish to continue living independently, we need to ensure they have the knowledge, support and tools needed to do so even when we are not there. Follow this link for a home safety checklist to follow to ensure they are safe in their home.

If you feel they need assistance, look into local services such as Meals on Wheels and in-home support services that assist with personal care and domestic assistance i.e. housekeeping and shopping. Then encourage your parents to avail themselves of these services – they may resist initially but keep gently trying to persuade them they deserve these support services after a lifetime of contribution to society.

4.       Enjoy the precious time you spend together

Ensure there are relaxed times you can focus on making the most of your time together. Encouraging group activities can get all generations of the family active and engaged, from a game of backyard cricket, to an evening stroll or a visit to your local carols in the park event.

5.       Reminisce about old times together

Encouraging conversation about times past and the sharing of favourite family stories can bring everyone together and lead to much hilarity and enjoyment. Elders with advanced memory loss often retain surprisingly sharp retention of long-term memories and will be able to chime in with some often extraordinary and riveting recollections from their youth. Pulling out the family photo albums, family videos and favourite CDs can help to bring the past to life and allow elderly family members and friends to feel fully involved and appreciated.

So share the love and cheer this Christmas, as all here at Property Focus in Sydney wish you a happy and relaxed holiday season and prosperous New Year. 

Property Focus In Sydney: Mediation: Finding A Way To Resolve Family Conflic...

Property Focus In Sydney: Mediation: Finding A Way To Resolve Family Conflic...: Even the closest of sibling relationships can fall to pieces over issues relating to aged care of parents. If you and your family members f...

Mediation: Finding A Way To Resolve Family Conflicts

Even the closest of sibling relationships can fall to pieces over issues relating to aged care of parents. If you and your family members find yourselves embroiled in conflict over such issues, the best recourse is mediation. An expert mediator can guide you through the available choices calmly and capably until a resolution is reached. It just takes time, patience and a willingness to listen to each other and work together to find the best possible solution. 

 At 83, Joan had been living independently for many years since her husband passed away, but was finding it difficult to maintain the family home after a recent fall.

Her son, John, and daughter, Diane, became concerned and John suggested that his mother sell her house and use the money to build an extension onto his home, where she could live safely and be closer to her grandchildren.

This seemed an ideal solution, but even though there was no dispute in this case, the family decided that the details of this arrangement and the financial arrangements needed to be clearly defined in order to prevent any future cause for disgruntlement and disputes.

The family arranged a meeting through the Community Justice Centres (CJC) of New South Wales and sat down with a facilitator who helped them to explore the impact of the sale of Joan’s house, whether her investment in John’s house was intended as a gift or an investment and other matters that needed to be clearly spelled out.

They then talked about potential arrangements should Joan’s health deteriorate, as well as day to day living arrangements such as mutual expectations in terms of housework, garden maintenance and care of the grandchildren. Finally, it was agreed that John would provide ongoing care for Joan in exchange for the investment in his house and increased value of his property. Each family member received a detailed written agreement and all departed the meeting feeling satisfied with the arrangements and secure in the knowledge that future disputes had been averted.

The lesson from this case study is to act as soon as a problem and decision-making need arises. Indecision and haggling over what to do can only lead to further conflict and, in extreme cases, neglect and even abuse of the elderly parent or parents.

The services of the CJC are free and mediators will travel to a suitable meeting site that suits all parties involved. At mediation, everyone is able to have their say separately and talk about ways to resolve the problem. CJC mediators help with clear communication, ensure everyone keeps their cool and write up any agreement reached. If there are financial arrangements involved, it can then be wise to have a lawyer draw up a legal document.

In several overseas countries, particularly Canada and Ireland, there is a growing awareness that, with ageing populations, there is an increasing need for specialist elder mediation services. Elder mediation is being recognised internationally as an important step in the continuum of care – promoting wellness, developing prevention strategies and enhancing quality of life. The focus is on addressing concerns and issues while maintaining and strengthening the myriad relationships critical to the well-being of the older person.

Says Judy McCann-Beranger, a qualified member of the Elder Mediation International Network, “Often family members who come to the table with poor communication skills are surprised at how, with the help of a mediator, they actually learn new ways of talking with each other. Ideas for ways of helping are generated as people come together and talk about how they can move forward together supporting each other, often through some very difficult times. Elder mediation promotes communication and involvement of more family members and others who wish to help. It is becoming more common for hospitals, nursing homes, or community care homes to participate in and often to promote and initiate the process.

“It is heart-warming and not surprising how many family members and close friends answer the request to participate in mediation and to provide support. Relationships are strengthened, close bonds established and, in some situations, bonds are re-established.”

The recently formed Elder Mediation Australasian Network lists qualified professionals around Australia or call the CJC on 1800 990 777. 

 Linda Coskerie, Seniors Real Estate Specialist

'Hell' Has Many Meanings For Hoarders

The elderly often love to surround themselves at home with a lifetime of photographs and mementos that evoke happy memories. Of course, there is no harm in this, unless the clutter is accumulating alarmingly and there are signs your elderly parent or relative could be suffering from hoarding disorder. If so, you will need to take action, but slowly and steadily.

What can happen when hoarding escalates is heartbreaking. Konrad Marshall reports on “Two hoarder homes, two different points of view: Kevin and Val are in denial and anyone who says otherwise can “bugger off”; but Val is desperate to escape her “hell on earth”.

All Too Much: The people who can’t let go

By Konrad Marshall

Hoarding has only recently been diagnosed as a mental disorder, closely related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and not only causes anguish and embarrassment to sufferers, but physical dangers to their health and safety.

According to an article in The Age, the most reliable international statistics suggest that the disorder affects two per cent to six per cent of the population, and it’s not unreasonable to assume a similar figure locally. “That’s a lot of Australians,” says Professor Michael Kyrios of Swinburne University, recently returned from an international hoarding conference in San Francisco when quoted in the article. “I think there’s a little bit of it in all of us, but there is a point at which it becomes a clinical disorder – an extreme version of reality.”

Some hoarders are well aware that they have a problem and tend to feel embarrassed, sad and angry. Others are in total denial that there is any problem at all. The majority are in the middle, vacillating between being embarrassed and justifying their behaviour to anyone who finds out their secret.

This secret can and often does lead to major health and safety issues. The sheer volume and types of materials that are hoarded create a perfect environment for mould, structural problems, accidents and extreme fire hazards in the home. In extreme cases, the sufferer will not be able to cook, clean, bathe or sleep in their bed due to the overwhelming volume of materials built up in the home.

For family members worried about a loved one who may be attempting to conceal the early stages of hoarding disorder (by closing off rooms in their home, for example) or who is so inundated by ‘stuff’ that they can no longer function in their home, the best advice is to do as much reading as possible and realise that the problem has no quick fix.

Enforced clean outs will not rectify the problem and are, in fact potentially deadly. The Age article quotes Dr Chris Morgan, of the Anxiety Clinic in Richmond, Victoria, as saying “There have been suicides associated with clean-ups where people haven’t been consulted or involved.” Rushing in and cleaning out only removes the sufferer’s only defence against a cruel and difficult world, it does not address the underlying problem.

Here are five steps to follow:

1. Find a therapist who specialises in treating hoarding disorder.

2. Find a lot of patience. Don’t expect too much too fast.

3. Recognise and acknowledge small steps towards progress.

4. Remember to be kind, even when frustrated.

5. Remember that your relationship with your loved one is deeper than the hoarding.

The ability to be patient and kind will be tested regularly but, for long term results, the process of change for a hoarder must take its own course. With love, patience, understanding and time, there is a chance to make a lasting change, and for your loved one to get their life and well-being back.

For a guide to the early signs that your loved one may have a hoarding disorder, visit the International OCD Foundation

As a qualified Seniors Real Estate Specialist, hoarding disorder is just one of the problems I see the families of elderly clients coping with, often with love but a great deal of frustration due to a lack of knowledge and assistance. At Property Focus in Sydney we are here to help, so don’t hesitate to give us a call should you require assistance and advice on any aspect of housing issues for the elderly.

Linda Coskerie, Seniors Real Estate Specialist

Don't Let Complex Contracts Scare You Away From Retirement Village Living

Retirement Villages have been in the firing line of late, with recent media focus on what many might consider unconscionable fees charged to residents and the complexity of contracts that could bamboozle even the sharpest of seniors.

 

The ABCS's Alan Kohler weighed into the debate, while the ABC's 7.30 Report covered the case of a Mosman retirement village still charging service fees to the family of a resident who passed away three years ago. See links to articles below.

 

Around 160,000 retirees throughout the country live in retirement villages that offer a range of accommodation from self-care units to assisted living serviced apartments, and the numbers are growing. Residents must sign lengthy and complex service contracts with the operator of the village, which undoubtedly have pitfalls for the unwary. On the plus side, however, the vast majority of residents in retirement villages report they are happy and satisfied with their new lifestyle.

 

The lesson here is that, should you be considering a move to a retirement village, you need to be fully aware of exactly what you are purchasing and ensure that you engage an independent legal advisor to go through the contract with you and point out all implications for your future and explain all ongoing charges and exit and service fees to you in detail.

 

Says President of the Retirement Village Residents Association (RVRA), Jan Pritchett: "The issues regarding retirement villages are very complex. To really understand the situation it is necessary to know about the anomalies in the Retirement Villages Act. It is even more complicated when it comes to strata villages, which are also subject to the Strata Management Act.

 

"Very few solicitors know or can explain the Retirement Village Act to prospective residents clearly. The RVRA, The Retirement Living Council (operator group), and the Minister's Advisory Council have all requested that the Law Society put in place an accreditation scheme for lawyers for retirement villages and aged care, similar to that with the family law or company law accredited lawyers can receive."

 

In the end, it's a case of caveat emptor. So, before entering into a contract with a retirement village operator, ensure that you:

• Ask lots of questions and, if possible, speak with existing residents.

• Understand your legal rights and the differences between entering into a contact as a Registered Interest Holder or a Non-Registered Interest Holder. These two groups have different laws regarding the payment of fees, and the return of money for their units after they vacate.

• Be aware that as a prospective resident you have a legal right under the current Retirement Village Act to take the contract to a legal practitioner to obtain advice before signing the contract.

• Ensure your legal advisor has knowledge of the Retirement Village Act and, if applicable, the Strata Management Act.

Those currently living in retirement villages as registered interest holders and their families also need to be aware that some operators are adding a $25-50K charge for refurbishment of the unit in the sales documents when a unit is vacated. "This is a contravention of the Retirement Village Act," says Jan Pritchett, "which states that refurbishment of a unit is not a resident cost if the contract was entered into after July 2000. Families who have no idea of the legislation are often not aware that this demand is illegal and will pay up."

 

So make sure you know exactly what you are doing before you move so you have peace of mind to enjoy the relaxed lifestyle and amenities offered by the retirement village of your choice. 

 

 Linda Coskerie, Seniors Real Estate Specialist

Links:

Alan Kohler : http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-07-17/kohler-complex-contracts-and-the-lifestyle-village-swindle/5601198

 

ABC's 7.30 Report: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-05-20/retirement-village-charging-service-fees-for-dead-clients/5465854 

 

plus video: http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2014/s4009411.htm

Does Fear of Change Stop You in Your Tracks?

I’d like to tell you about two widows in their seventies, who have been best of friends for many years. Joan recently moved into a retirement village; Valerie still lives in her home of 40 years.

Soon after Joan settled into her new apartment, the retirement village announced an event that she knew her friend Valerie would enjoy. Excited about sharing both her new home and an afternoon together, Joan invited Valerie over. 

Valerie couldn’t make it, however, as she was waiting for the gardener to mow her lawn. Over the next few weeks Joan kept inviting, and Valerie was never able to come, mostly because of something to do with the house. Joan could see that Valerie was stuck with the pressures of maintaining a house that was too big for her.

Understanding this, Joan suggested to Valerie that she sell her home, and perhaps move into a retirement village like the one she was in.

But Valerie would have none of that: “That might be fine for some people,” she said, “but I can’t leave my home, it’s too important to me. Besides, I’m not ready to give up my independence.”

Who is really more independent?

There are thousands of seniors in Australia who are living either Valerie’s life, or Joan’s. In my experience, it is those living Joan’s life who have the most independence, and who live more fulfilled lives with less stress and more time to do the things they truly enjoy. 

What causes people to make the choice that Valerie continues to make:  to stay in a home that is too big for them, where many of their neighbours have moved away, and that is filled with memories but not people? The answer is often:  fear of change.

You would think that seniors, of all people, would be used to change. But there are some deep-seated reasons for this particular fear:

First, changing your home hits at the heart of two basic human needs: shelter and security. If you have lived in your home for some time, it is filled with memories, and familiarity, not to mention the fact that the mortgage is fully paid. This fear is also all about equating living in your family home with independence, and the loss of one means the loss of the other.

Second, is the fear of making a wrong decision, which can be even stronger for seniors. Many of us experience a diminishing confidence in ourselves as one of those side effects of aging. There is so much going on already that we can’t control, from our children leaving the nest to retirement (translate that as loss of job) to our bodies starting to behave badly due to age. We feel like we have no control, and what we don’t see is how well we really have done with those changes, taking control of the new reality and moving forward.

And third, there is a fear that is almost an exhaustion that we feel in anticipation of the move itself. We all have memories of what it was like in our pasts to move, and now that decades of “stuff” has accumulated in the family home, the idea of moving is overwhelming. 

Time for a reality check

A reality check will help any senior facing these fears to see their lives for what they really are, including the new opportunities just over the horizon. Let’s take that reality check and look again at those fears, in connection with this question: How do you want to live the rest of your life?

Valerie and others like her may think they are independent, but they are not. The house has become heavy with obligations, and they are weighed down by keeping up the maintenance needs. If Valerie would consider rightsizing, she could be considering retirement villages as one option. In that case she would never have to worry about yard maintenance, and could get help cleaning the house if needed.

The second and third fears, those of making the wrong decision and the fear of the move itself, are easily comforted if you choose the right people to work with. Educating yourself on your options, and pulling in all resources available, will make the process of selling and rightsizing one where you feel fully in control. And doing so now, before a crisis makes you move more quickly than you would like, will just add to the positive effect.  

Maintaining a life well-lived

As seniors, our goal is still to maintain a life well-lived, for now and for the future. Most of us are not fulfilled by endless waiting for service help, and rattling around an empty house waiting for it to be filled again only briefly during holiday season. In the scenario at the beginning of this article, both women thought they were comfortable with their lives. But we think that sooner rather than later, Valerie will realise that she is tired of the demands that staying in that home puts on her. We can only hope this epiphany comes before a crisis dictates a move.

In our experience, Joan’s choice of a retirement village is fast becoming the option of choice for many seniors who have made the decision to right size. Research shows, time and time again, that the vast majority of them are very happy with that choice. In fact, many lament that they didn’t make the choice sooner. 

Facing the fear of change and giving it a good dose of reality opens the door to looking at your choices for the lifestyle you would want for yourself. Whether you choose a community of other retirees or not, it is a choice for living a life that is independent, creative, secure, and sustainable, in the company of as many others as you would like.  This is an opportunity that by all means should at least be explored!

How To Avoid Potential Pitfalls Accessing Equity In Your Home

This week, our guest Craig Hall from the National Information Centre on Retirement Investments continues his advice on equity release options for seniors. NICRI is a wonderful source of information, tools and calculators to help you make informed investment decisions for comfortable living in retirement. Visit www.nicri.org to access this wealth of information.

In his second article, Craig explains the various (and somewhat complex) options available for releasing equity in the family home.

Equity Release – What are the Options?

In the previous article we looked at the use of Equity Release as an option for senior Australians to free up cash to cover one-off expenses or supplement income requirements.  Equity Release comes in a number of various forms. It can therefore be quite confronting and confusing to understand and to make a decision on which would be the best option for your circumstances.

So let’s look at the various options available that allow seniors to access the equity in their homes:

• Reverse Mortgage

A reverse mortgage is a loan provided where interest and other costs accumulate and repayment is not required until a trigger event (such as death of a spouse) occurs. Providers can lend up to a regulated maximum percentage of the value of the secured property, based on the age of the youngest borrower/homeowner. The proceeds can be taken either as a lump sum, regular payments or a combination of both.

For Government Income Support (GIS) purposes the first $40,000 of the drawn proceeds that remains unspent is assessed after 90 days and any unspent drawn amount above $40,000 is assessed immediately.

• Shared Sale Proceeds Arrangement

Seniors can enter into a part-sale transaction and receive a lump sum cash payment in exchange for a share of the property’s future value.  The facility is available for eligible property types in certain locations. The amount received is a smaller percentage of the present value of the share being sold because the senior/s retain all ownership rights and responsibilities for the rest of their lives.

Assessment for GIS is the same as reverse mortgages.

• Property Option

Enables access to the future capital growth of the home as an income stream. The homeowner agrees to sell their home to an investor at an agreed value at a future time of their choosing, in exchange for a monthly income from the investor.

It is possible for the homeowner and investor to share in the capital growth of the property, however this reduces the amount of the monthly payments received by the owner. The homeowner retains full ownership of and responsibility for the property until the eventual sale and change of title takes place.

Payments received are not assessed as income for GIS.

• Pension Loans Scheme (PLS)

Property owners of age pension age who do not receive a pension, or receive a part pension, can borrow payments up to the full pension against their property. If the debt is secured against an assessable asset, the actual pension payment may increase as the net value of the asset reduces, thus reducing the ‘top up’ or borrowed component.

• Downsizing

Downsizing can free up equity while maintaining full home ownership. This is simply selling the existing home and purchasing a property of lesser value. Any surplus funds are then available for use.  Costs involved include stamp duty, agent’s fees, marketing fees and relocation costs.

As you can see, it can be daunting to not only understand each product but also to make an informed decision to choose the most appropriate for your circumstances.

Avoiding potential pitfalls 

As with any major decision-making it is important to investigate all the benefits, conditions and potential pitfalls. The following is a list of handy tips for consumers considering equity release to ensure inappropriate decisions are not made.

• Check if the provider is prudentially regulated and holds an Australian Credit Licence if required.

• Check with the Department of Human Services (DHS) to see if it will affect your Government Income Support entitlements.

• Check if the facility is portable in case you wish to move house and retain your equity release product in the future.

• Seek professional legal and financial advice.

• Check if you face any penalties or fees should you choose to exit the scheme, whether retaining or selling the property at a time of your choosing.

• Ask the provider what your obligations are as far as maintenance on the property is concerned.

• Ensure that, where applicable, regulated consumer protections are being met according to the National Consumer Credit Act 2009, such as offering a ‘No Negative Equity Guarantee’, providing you with a thorough pre- assessment for suitability of the product and providing the appropriate documentation and projections.

• Ensure that your insurance cover is adequate.

• Find out what your rights are if something goes wrong or a dispute arises and what external dispute resolution scheme your provider belongs to so you know where to go if you have a problem.

• Find out what restrictions an equity release product will have on you in the future – for example if you wish to renovate or need to move into aged care.

• Ask the provider questions about themselves such as how long have they been in business, can they give you any customer feedback and how can you deal with them in the future.

While potential problems may arise from accessing the equity in your home, being prudent in investigating and understanding all aspects thoroughly and seeking professional legal and financial advice will provide clarity and peace of mind.

For more information on Equity Release products and options: 

Refer to the NICRI booklet ‘Accessing the Equity in Your Home’ which is available by contacting NICRI Toll free on 1800 020110 or via email nicri@nicri.org.au or write to PO Box 1339 Fyshwick ACT 2609. You can also visit www.nicri.org.au to access a wonderful source of information, tools and calculators to help you make informed investment decisions for comfortable living in retirement.

Craig Hall is the Executive Officer Media and Communications at the  National Information Centre on Retirement Investments (NICRI) Inc. with responsibility for media and research. He produces the range of NICRI publications and factsheets covering superannuation, retirement income streams, investments, financial planning, equity release and redundancy for the general public. Before joining NICRI years ago, Craig worked in the investment and finance industry over a period of 13 years. Craig writes a number of articles for senior’s publications and contributes to discussion/consultation papers for Government.

   Linda Coskerie, Seniors Real Estate Specialist