Holidays are traditionally festive times, when families
gather to share good food and good company and to make memories. It is a time
when everyone is on their best behavior, trying to keep old sibling rivalries
and the like on the back burner. For many of us this is one of the only times
all or most of the family is together, from aging parents to their baby boomer
children to grandchildren, etc. Since
the whole family is not together often, and especially in those cases where the
parents live far away from the rest of the family, this is an opportune time to
start an important conversation that has to do with the safety, security, and
happiness of our parents as they grow older.
As baby boomers we are feeling the effects of aging, but
most of us still have a great deal of vitality in our bodies and minds. Now it
is our parents who need our help, and they need to know that we, their
“babies,” are more than willing to work to secure the future of the heads of
the family.
If you have never had the conversation, though, the thought
could lie heavy on your mind. How in the world will you bring it up in the
midst of holiday tradition? How can you approach the subject with parents in a
way that is not threatening, but that opens the door to getting it right?
And before you stop reading this because the subject is too
difficult, please know that there is no better time than now to start the
conversation. Now is not the time to put our heads in the sand and hope someone
else will have this conversation with our parents, or hope somehow miraculously
that we just won’t have to talk about it. The reality is that if we don’t,
there is a good chance that when the time comes when our parents really need
the help, we will be scrambling for a plan.
So let’s assume you are seriously considering starting a
dialogue about health and long term planning with your family as you gather to
celebrate tradition. You are probably stressing a bit about how in the world to
approach the subject without it being really awkward and off-putting. Let’s
look at some points that might help you on your way:
Expect resistance.
Resistance will likely come from your parents, but it could also come from
other family members who have not been clued into the need for the talk. And
what do you do with this resistance if it does emerge? You acknowledge it. It
will take some people more time than others to get into the swing of talking
openly about this issue, but you can bet that if you resist their resistance
(whether overt or subtle), any discussions on this subject may take longer and
be a lot more painful.
Educate yourself.
Take some time to research the aging process, and what experts recommend should
be included in discussions. You will want to understand concepts such as Living
Wills, powers of attorney, long term and residential care, and financial
planning. You will also want to have some knowledge of resources in your
parents’ community, including senior activities and alternative transportation
availability.
Evaluate current
issues that need to be addressed. The current physical, mental, and
financial health of your parents will play a massive role in the direction and
urgency of this discussion. If there is an issue that needs to be addressed,
you will need to thread that into your conversation about the plan in the short
term. Consider, for instance, how you as a family might address the needs of a
parent whose eyesight is failing, and whose ability to safely drive a car is or
will soon be in question? How are you going to help them feel they can maintain
their independence with the keys gone? What if your mother seems to be
exhibiting symptoms of mild dementia? How are you going to plan for her need to
continue to cook the holiday turkey while making sure she does not leave the
stove on?
Bring other family
members into the process. Give other
family members a heads up that you will be broaching the issue; give them an
opportunity to raise any concerns of course, but do make sure that you are all
on somewhat of the same page before you start the discussion with them in the
same room. This is not a time to do battle with each other in front of your
parents, but rather to rally for the sake of the family. On the other hand, you
don’t want it to appear to be a “conspiracy” pitting parents against children.
Begin the discussion
by speaking from your heart. Your parents are going to be able to embrace
this idea now and moving forward if they hear from your heart first. You are
their child, and you are concerned. Parents will tend to not think of
themselves first (doesn’t matter how old you are – you are still their baby);
if they truly believe that this is important to you they are more likely to
listen.
Listen. The
importance of your actively listening to your parents throughout this
discussion cannot be overstated. Just because their bodies are aging (we only
just need to look at ourselves to understand), does not mean your parents’ need
for being able to make choices in their lives has diminished. In fact, many
elders, in living through the increasing limitations brought on by not being
able to move as well as they did, will desperately resist anything that appears
to restrict other choices they still can make. So listen, and incorporate their
choices into any recommendations about next steps. Keep in mind some of the
critical issues that will be front and center, including your parents’
financial security, and need for independence, relationships, and, of course,
peace of mind.
We at Property Focus In Sydney are also here to help you. We will be
expanding on the topic of having this conversation with aging parents over the
next few months, but we are also here if you would like to call to chat. We can
direct you to professionals who advise you on financial considerations, for
instance, and if the time comes when you might need our services in the real
estate and senior housing fields, we are here to sit down with you to develop a
great plan.
Remember: There is no better time than now to start planning
for the eventuality that your parents are going to need you to help them plan
for the future. Preparing now will help you and your family sustain and
possibly enhance quality of life for everyone, as you all enjoy family
milestones together with the peace of mind that comes with having a plan that
works for everyone.
I may have been in property for over two decades but this is my first blog, so be gentle with me. I may not get it right the first time but what I write will be genuine, devoid of the usual estate agent’s guff - and hopefully packed full of knowledge and useful information for anyone wanting to buy, sell or develop property on the North Shore or Northern Beaches areas.
So who is Linda Coskerie Well I’m the estate agent you thought you’d never meet, the estate agent who doesn’t just turn up with the keys and a bundle of brochures and a cheery smile when it’s time to sell your place. I’m the agent who knows a whole lot about selling strategies, planning, development approval processes, how councils work and how the planning process trundles along.
Let’s say you have a property you feel may have some development potential potential, but not sure exactly what you can do with it, how to go about selling, who would buy it, and how much would a buyer pay. Could be a house on a large piece of land or vacant block you are thinking could be subdivided, or perhaps the zoning allows for units, etc. Then look no further for clear and comprehensive advice. Together with our network of industry specialists (where appropriate) we can draw on our extensive knowledge and planning experience to establish the feasibility of various development options, selling methods, and most importantly advise on a realistic selling price.
But don’t just take my word for it – go to the glowing customer testimonials on our website to see what they say about me.
As the Principal at Property Focus in Sydney, I have a background spanning 25 years in property development, real estate management, and 12 years working in local government – all of which gives me the insight into how to get the best out of every property a client presents me with.
You will have noticed that my website isn’t groaning with properties to sell and there’s a very good reason for that – I take on only a few clients at a time and devote inordinate amounts of time delivering for them the sale results they’re after.
Whether this means spending hours poring over council archives or getting my wellies on and measuring a site myself, I go the extra mile for my clients – nothing is too much trouble trouble for them. In fact only last week I even picked up a paintbrush and helped a client paint her home to get it ready for sale. Beyond the call of duty? Or just a desire to do a great job? Call or email me to find out.
+61 2 9999 0128 or email: success@propertyfocusinsydney.com.au
